how much more?

Thanks to Internet on the go I can blog when I have time to burn and there isn’t anything worthwhile to do.no I’m not relegating my blog to a state of utter uselessness but it’s not often an NSF gets to sit down and blog. Currently at wheelock for the dancers and I’m happily people watching..don’t ask me why I do it but I guess that was why i took sociology.. Had bout 10 hours of sleep the last 3 nights and I’m lucky not to look like a freaking racoon. Ok, after all that preabmle infuses I’m gonna start on why of all times i chose to blog now

I guess the past 24 hours have been a great learning experience for me. The things i did, those that I saw being done, those I saw not being done. I hope the change I’m feelin would not be a temporary one cause I really hope go change for the better. Maybe I will soon find the strength to do so. Ive been giving myself too many excuses.tonight included. There is lots more to be done.

Ok..I’m 45 mins late but im still the first. Tmr need to spend some family day time. Ahh, blogging can be so therapeutic. But I need some retail therapy

The problem just multiplied itself by 2. At first I thought I finally found what I was looking for. Instead it made me realize that what I was hoping for just became more elusive.

I don’t know why I’m shivering. I guess I’m scared to finally face the reality that I’ve been avoiding all this while.

And so it comes.. December.. Near the end… Well.. It kinda sucks la.. I’m still thinking of things long ago when i want to forget bout it so life can go on but wat can I do?? Being stuck in this situation was definitely not by choice.. Then again lookin back at the what the past few months have thought me.. The logical explanation is that whatever that is pent up is being postponed. I’m just afraid that I might implode under it all, or worse explode. It’s really frustrating to not be in control of sumthing so basic.. I guess I’ve been runningnin instinct the whole time and I wonder if it’s just making things worse off.. Doesn’t really help that I don’t have anyone to talk to that would understand the things I’m going through inside. Well, come to think of it.. I’ve very much been a burden so I might as well deal with it on my own. I hate to be hypocritical but I can’t be roaming around like a zombie can I? Heh.. Even as I charge to finish the course, Im always struggling to deal with this.

Be my raven. Fly.

you could say it was wrong from the beginning.

so here i am sitting under the lower deck of a double decker bed, eating a hot fudge sundae while having the worst possible kind of stomachache.i guess im gonna quieten down a bit. then again, im just waiting to blow it all out.

i was kinda thinking to myself. im a pretty small guy with a damn loud mouth. and just because im small people think that they can push me around. too bad the only way i learnt as a kid to deal with such nonsense was to knock the crap out of these kinda people. doesnt help that i now know the most efficient way to snap someone’s neck while striking a seemingly interesting convo with that person. if not for all these laws, ns, db and wat nots, maybe i would have done it on the onset. so i cant run as fast or lift as much weights or endure the heat as long, but i sure can make dying painful for u if i wanted to. i think i would love some martial law. and i dont think im cut out to save lives. should have been a bloodthirsty soldier and shoot down people when they least expect it.

someone get me a coffee. seriously.

committing things to memory is really not my idea of a weekend

i think people dont like me cause i get too angsty too quickly

someone get me a punching bag.seriously.

its been a year since i took up krav. i have absolutely no regrets doing it cause it really changed me in a sense. not just doing krav, but the day i decided to take up krav changed alot of things. what im not clear of was it the changes that happened that made me take up krav or was it the other way round.

so over the weekend, ive been busting my ass off again, albeit not the best idea ive had in awhile considering there is IPPT tmr.the explosive moments i had over the weekend were bound to come out sometime or rather. the funny thing is, it provided no form of relief. should get myself a pocket watch and keep reminding myself to move forward.

forgive me for the most incoherent post ever.

oh well .. i guess i really need to buck up.. shit ass lagging behind everyone.. and this is not the worst yet.. and i hate being a burden to everyone.. as im used to being the motivator.. now ppl have to motivate me instead.. so yeah.. im trying to figure out if im really cut out for this,.. have been really keeping to myself as im trying to go with the “new” me but i realized that i dont get things done and i just get all the more frustrated by it.

i dont know why but for the whole of today.. i just feel that things are not right.. and there’s this big worry in my heart.. for which i have no idea why its about…