breaking out from the mold
so i wanted to sleep but after rolling in bed for an hour i decided venting here would hopefully do me some good. been needing a lot of coffee to keep me running on normal mode. I’m not even running on optimum but yeah. i need to straighten my head out and get all this work finished asap. this semester really does not look promising at all. all the hours thats going to be needed to put in is plain crazy. once again if not for the crazy soci people that keep me sane i really don’t knw how I’m going to survive.
i really don’t want to conform to what people want me to be. i just want to start telling people to just fuck off cos i don’t want to give a fuck bout things. i just want to rip some heads out and tell them the universe does not revolve around them. yes, at times you people do make sense but stop it with the insincere humbling of yourselves. no one is perfect and neither are people inherently nice. trying to be nice always ends up with me being anxious, frustrated, pissed and then just losing all hope. i just wanna go out there and tell the world “up yours!”. Having to always be a replacement, just being the back up, just being no 2, being the substitute. if anything else, i pride myself in being sensitive to the emotional changes of others. i do know when things are not right. i have no desire for any material gains, for a status or anything of that sort. things are just not right. i can’t comprehend how people think that just cause I’m nice that i will forever be nice. i think that being described as a nice person is just insulting. with a whole plethora of adjectives out there, being known as nice just sounds pretty condescending to me. I’m really questioning why I go out of the way to please people. i used to be able to tell people to fuck off. i used to have more guts than this. i used to not give a fuck and try things. i didn’t care what people think.
